Best Fast Food Side

The main is already decided. The interesting decision — the one people actually agonise over at the counter — is what goes in the bag next to it.

Sides operate under a constraint mains do not: they have to survive fifteen minutes in a paper bag. This is why the ranking people believe in is often wrong. Curly fries and waffle fries are structurally better at holding heat than straight cut. Onion rings are excellent for about six minutes and then become something else entirely. Mozzarella sticks are running a race against physics from the moment they are handed over. Coleslaw wins on a technicality by not caring about any of this. Thirty-two sides are in, and the question is simply which one you would choose knowing you only get the one.

French fries enter every round as the incumbent, and this format is unusually hard on incumbents. Being the default is worth a great deal in the abstract and surprisingly little when one specific alternative is sitting right next to it on the screen.