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Most Unhinged Victorian Ad

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#PreviewCandidateWin rateMatch win rate
—McLaughlin's CoffeeA trade card that opens by asking why the rival's beans are glazed, then answers at length— win— match wins
—Niagara Gloss StarchStarch, sold with the full weight of nineteenth century graphic design— win— match wins
—Burdock PillsHow's your liver? Take Burdock Pills. Save doctor's bills— win— match wins
—Buchu-PaibaOne dollar. Cures every annoying kidney disease. Quick and complete— win— match wins
—Perry Davis Pain KillerDon't cry if it does smart a moment, the pain killer will take the soreness out— win— match wins
—Pears' Soap, 1888This is the way we wash our hands, sung at you by a soap company— win— match wins
—Ball's CorsetsA coiled wire spring elastic section. A revolution in corsets, apparently— win— match wins
—Dr. Warner's Coraline CorsetA corset with a doctor's name on it, because that made it medical— win— match wins
—The Tricora CorsetAffords great relief and comfort. Warranted— win— match wins
—Madame Strong's Comfort CorsetRelieves the delicate and vital organs of all injurious pressure— win— match wins
—The Perfect No. 7Mama's New Machine. The American Sewing Machine Company would like a word— win— match wins
—Crown Sewing MachinesSewing machines and oil stoves, from the same factory, on the same card— win— match wins
—Wheeler and Wilson No. 9A sewing machine advertised with the gravity of a state portrait— win— match wins
—J. & P. Coats' Spool CottonPoor thread is a false economy, and here is a card about it— win— match wins
—Kerr & Co's Extra Six CordKerr's black is fast dye. That is the entire pitch— win— match wins
—Hood's SarsaparillaWho said Hood's Sarsaparilla? Everybody, according to Hood's— win— match wins
—Tarrant's Seltzer AperientWe never travel without it, say the people paid to say it— win— match wins
—The Ithaca OrganA parlour organ presented as the centre of family life— win— match wins
—Estey Organ Co.Brattleboro, Vermont, where the organs came from and the dancing began— win— match wins
—Brooke's Monkey Brand SoapFamously advertised with the words won't wash clothes— win— match wins
—Boston Electric BeltWear the belt. Receive the electricity. Feel better, allegedly— win— match wins
—The Clifford Hair RestorerHair, restored, by means the advertisement declines to specify— win— match wins
—Gall Cure for Horses and CattleFor galls, calls, sore shoulders and abrasions. On livestock— win— match wins
—Sunlight Soap Washing PowderWashing powder sold with the intensity of a public health campaign— win— match wins
—Huyler's CocoaThe best in the world means to buy a can at your grocer's, and they mean it— win— match wins
—Bournville CocoaCocoa advertised as a moral improvement— win— match wins
—Cadbury's CocoaAbsolutely pure, therefore best. The logic is doing heavy lifting— win— match wins
—Solar Paste Stove PolishMade from pure plumbago. No dust. No labour. The cheapest and the best— win— match wins
—Cottage RangeA cast iron stove given the treatment normally reserved for cathedrals— win— match wins
—Pears' Soap, 1886Soap, and an entire painted world built to sell it— win— match wins
—Standard Soap CompanyA lithograph so ornate you forget it is about soap— win— match wins
—Daffey's ElixirAn elixir advertised in text so dense the claims hide inside it— win— match wins
—Baldwin's Herbal Tonic MixtureNature's general restorer of the system and purifier of the blood— win— match wins
—Barker's Nerve & Bone LinimentFor nerves and bones, in that order— win— match wins
—The Best Liniment on EarthCures all pain. No further detail offered— win— match wins
—Gargling Oil LinimentFor man and beast, which raises more questions than it answers— win— match wins
—Lone Star LinimentHas no equal for man or beast, say the leading horsemen of the United States— win— match wins
—Free Bottles for Weak LungsLungs weak? Three free bottles, and a positive cure for consumption— win— match wins
—The Horse Owner's FriendAn almanac page promising to cure every ailment a horse can have— win— match wins
—Merchant's Magic OilCures all ailments. The word all is doing something remarkable here— win— match wins

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